Monday, August 8, 2011

{refocusing on my vocation}

I couldn't sleep two nights ago.
It was late and I was tossing and turning in bed. My mind raced.
I was anxious.

This happens to me every once in a while.
I know it is not healthy.
When it happens it takes me a few days to realize why, but I eventually do.

You see, I keep a lot of lists of things to do.
One master and a number of small lists and another one or two mental lists.
They are all filled with things that range from prayer time to writing an email to making curtains.
While sometimes they are gentle reminders, even encouragements, to get things done,
they too often pile up.
Not with my routine tasks
– grocery shopping,  playing with my son, cleaning the house, working –
but with activities unrelated to my vocation.

Yes. My vocation.

[voh-key-shuh] noun
a divine call to God's service or to the Christian life;
a function or station in life to which one is called by God

My vocation, I realized years ago, was to be a wife and later a mother.
That’s it.
Should be simple.
Perhaps it is for you.
But, not. for. me.

I stray away from it…
and in my wanderings I add things to my list of responsibilities that should actually be filed under “hobbies” or “things to do with extra time” or even “unimportant things to visit at a later time.”

That’s where I am right now. I am here, with lists of unimportant things to do.
Though today may seem like any other Monday
—I’m getting ready for the week with schedules, lists, menus, etc.—
I am beginning a kind of purging of extraneous tasks.
Fighting my temptation to "really quickly" refinish that ugly dresser cabinet in the TV room
and instead pray and sit and play with my son,
instead of entertain him with a toy while I give the cabinet a coat of primer paint.

Today begins an attempt to focus again on the basics of my vocation.
Focus. Focus. Focus.
Focus on simplicity.
Because God is simple.
That much I know.

Should be simple, right?
Perhaps it is for you.
But, not. for. me.

PS: I’ll be sharing more about this endeavor.
I have so many thoughts on the subject.
Of course I do.
I would really love to hear what YOU have to say on the subject.
Please share your comments below!


Alyss said...

It should be simple, but I get caught up with things, too. The first step is identifying what is getting in the way! That's what I'm working on, too.

Hannah said...

There's nothing more complicated that being a wife and mother. It always seems like it should be all kisses and rosebuds and tenderness, but let's face it, while we treasure those wonderful moments, there's also a lot of dishes and laundry and remembering to put pickles on his and ketchup on hers, and the details can get very overwhelming!

I love my vocation as a wife and Mom, but find that every now and then I really struggle. (Sometimes it only takes that working Mom saying, "So what do you DO all day?").

Being a wife and Mom is a dying-to-self process. It's sacrifice to do that 'looking well to the ways of her household' thing from Proverbs 31 happen. It's hard to die to self and still maintain a sense of your own identity.

I don't know you...but I relate and will pray for you today because I understand.

Hannah said...

PS...really wish I could go back and edit my grammar/usage errors after I post comments! Oops!


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