Thursday, November 10, 2011

{He who -should- guide my feelings}

I spent last weekend at a retreat with our community. 
Hearing great speakers and spending time with my awesome friends 
who all follow the Lord blindly. 
They are an encouragement to me. 

I could share a million different things that were said during the course of the three days
but I'm going to share about what has mostly continued to speak to me in the days that followed. 

Emotions are good. 
Feelings are the way God speaks to us.

Father IsaaSpinharney, CFR, said this to me after hearing my confession. 
I needed to hear that. 
Really? You mean that my sadness and anger and happiness and joy
and all the other feelings I experience every  day  minute aren't just my own creation?
I must have heard this another time. I'm sure it wasn't the first time someone said it to me.
Perhaps it were the words that followed that made me perceive this idea with new eyes.
Feelings act as a way for God to lead us to His will.
Whoa Nelly! That means I have to keep them in check.
Make sure they are the right feelings.
Orderly feelings.

My next reaction was simply "yikes."
I have a lot to work on.

Lately I've been bombarded by frustration, anger, sadness. 
Not to say that I don't like my life.
In general I find happiness in many moments of the day. 
More moments than not.
But It's the every day things that get to me. 
The dishes are piled, the baby is hanging on me, 
oh and what's that you say, babe? You're away for the weekend?

Sometimes I want to scream... and sometimes I do scream.
I'm pretty sure God doesn't lead me to express my feelings by yelling at an innocent one-year-old. 
Which by the way, I always feel beyond guilty about 
and repent by giving him too many hugs and kisses until he runs away to play with mega blocks. 

How SHOULD I be handling this situation?
(and this was the second biggest thing I took away from my retreat)
By asking myself:
Is this situation pleasing to God?
Whether I'm feeding a baby, making dinner, scrubbing a toilet, or putting toys away
when my husband is working late or someone calls to discuss something important
if what I am doing fulfills the Lord's will,
then, my friend, I have nothing to get my feathers all ruffled up about.

Easier said than done. I'm working on it.
I've been sitting on the most comfortable chair in the world 
which just happens to be located in my very own living room
and following this advice:
"Sit before the Lord. Tell him your feelings," Fr. Isaac said.
"Even if you're angry... tell Him, work it out with Him."

Let's just say the Big Guy and I have been having some heart to hearts.

{linking up with casey today}

4 comments: said...

Gorgeous and honest post! I can relate and admire your openness. Those heart to hearts are truly what I usually need most and put off doing! YOU are doing an amazing job!

Thanks for stopping by! Happy to be keeping up with you!!


Nicolle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nicolle said...

Thanks for visiting my blog. Your little guy is adorable. Boys are so much fun! I loved what you wrote here, so honest. I have a lot of these feelings at times too. I get tired/mad/frustrated, then feel so awful when I get upset at my child, when he didn't do anything wrong. I agree with Fr. Isaac, God wants it all....our happiness and our anger. I know most days I wouldn't get through the day without Him. Staying home and running the house and raising a child can be so challenging, when in our minds we think it should just be all sweet and simple each day. hugs!

Digger said...

What a great post!! I love this! Thank you for sharing! I found you on Casey's Blog. I'm a new follower.

Digger ~xoxo~


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