Tuesday, November 8, 2011

{rambling about exhaustion}

When do you put your feet up? 
Seriously, I want you to comment on this post and tell me when the heck you get a break
because I have found that I don't actually stop to sit all day. 
Our day goes a little like this:

Jacob & Mama Wake Up. Mama Feed Jacob Breakfast. Mama Cleans while Jacob plays. Mama Pick up breakfast, Feed Jacob Snack and Eat breakfast. Jacob watch Show Mama shower / Mama and Jacob run errands. Mama Feed Lunch. Jacob Nap. Mama eat lunch, work, write emails, do interviews, make phone calls, print stuff, clip coupons, prep dinner, do laundry, clean up from lunch, make shopping lists,  Jacob Wake Up. Mama feeds Jacob Snack. Mama clean up Snack. Jacob play, Mama play. Jacob cling on Mama while Mama makes dinner. Mama yells, Sits Jacob to watch a show. Jacob comes back, clings on Mama. Mama feeds Jacob pre-dinner snack. Daddy gets home. Mama goes to the gym (well, Mama tries). Mama returns, heats up dinner. Family eats dinner. Mama cleans up  dinner. Daddy gives bath. Jacob goes to bed for the night. Mama works, does interviews, runs errands attends meetings. Daddy works. Mama and Daddy crash into bed. 

Notice that prayer is not on the schedule.
Let me tell you the truth, prayer is on my schedule.
At 7am, half an hour before Jake-the-Snake wakes up.
Usually I am so tired from the day before 
that I just can't manage to get out of bed until I hear him cry.

When I see all that up there written down I feel so silly. I feel so guilty. 
"It's not that much," I tell myself. 
Mostly it's just cleaning up after meals. Or making meals. Or feeding meals. 
Feeding my kid is nonnegotiable, right?
Then there is officially nothing that can be eliminated from the routine.

So my dilemma remains.
I just don't know how to carve out time to sit and rest. 
I'm burnt out by 3pm. Burnt out I tell you. 
So I brew some coffee to sip on until dinner time when I get a second wind.
You know what would go well with that coffee? 
A magazine. Just for 15 minutes. Pretty please.

That energy barely gets me through until 11pm, 12am, 1am... 
whenever we manage to both be done with our work (we try to go to bed at the same time)
I know I know. I can hear you gasp all the way from here. 
The late nights are a killer. 
OK. I know. Stop lecturing me.
Those have got to go. 
Maybe I'd even be able to get up at 7am to be alone, 
read my books, say my prayers, write my journal.

I know every one has a busy life. It's all about prioritizing. 
I've heard that one before. 
What are the most important things going on right now?
I've gotta nix the ones that aren't important to me and my family. 
That's not to say they aren't generally important.... 
they're just not conducive to this particular season of life. 
Isn't that difficult? Telling someone:
"While this might be important to you, it's not to me. I'm sorry."
In fact, it's so difficult, I avoid saying those words at all costs. 
I love saying yes.
"Sure I can make those pamphlets and flyers."
"Yes I can make it to that meeting."
"Of course I can work be part of that committee!"
After the word yes, my favorite things to say are:
"No I don't need help." and "Do you need help?"

But I guess that's gotta stop now. 
So now I'm off to examine my life
and practice what I am preaching.

PS: Seriously, though, when do YOU put your feet up?

1 comment:

grey rose (they/them) said...

whew! i hear you!
i have my feet up right now...waiting in the dark living room to see if my child actually falls asleep;)

praise jesus for carrying us! and for coffee! xo


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