Monday, February 4, 2013

// her mouth speaks from that which fills her heart


{ via }

a mother's words resonate forever.

i read something along those lines not too long ago and it hit me like a ton of bricks.
i quickly backpedaled over the preceding days and the things i had said to jake
he's my challenge these days and i can't claim that my words (or the tone i say them in) are always kind.

jake is not a bad kid by any means. i would like to make that perfectly clear.
i love him to death. i would literally die for him.
but he's a two-year-old and he comes with the challenges that any two-year-old comes with:
defiance. disobedience. rambunctiousness.
and i'm just a girl. i'm impatient, i'm impulsive. i have trouble remembering that he's just a kid.

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i freak out. a lot.

it's not like i yell at him all day or anything. we have our tender moments.
he's funny and we laugh a lot during the day.
but there are moments when i have just had it.
when i've repeated the same thing ten times and he's just not listening.
when i'm nursing siena and he hits her on the head with a car and then runs away to where i can't reach him
when the baby is on the play mat and he stomps around getting dangerously close to her tiny head.

well, you get it.
in those moments, i often just explode. i yell.

i wonder if my reactions are being imprinted in his brain. i wonder and i worry.
am i damaging him? am i creating baggage?
will he remember his mom's tantrums? (because, let's face it, that's what they are)
i really hope not.
i hope he remembers that i kissed him a million times that day.
that i played cars instead of vacuuming. that i laughed when he sprayed me with water when he was taking a bath.

but just in case he wont remember those things, i'm trying to watch my tone with him.

i'm trying to be intentional about his discipline.
that if i raise my voice, it is only to emphasize an important point
("DON'T TOUCH THE OVEN WHEN IT'S HOT!" is a perfectly acceptable thing to yell, in my opinion)
i try to give him ample peaceful warnings before putting him in a time out
i'm trying to remember to reward him when he whispers when he does something kind for someone else
i'm trying to show him how to play with the baby
(because i recently realized that interacting with a tiny human being
is not something one just knows but something one has to learn)


because if the Bible verse pictured above is true (and it's the Bible so you know it's true)
then my mouth should be pouring out in love for him.
even in discipline. even in frustration. it should always be in love.








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3 comments:

Anna D Kart said...

Ohh wow! It takes so much patience to raise them, doesn't it? God bless you and thank you for sharing so honestly.


happymedley.blogspot.com

Stephanie said...

The mere fact that you are aware and concerned of the tone that comes out of your mouth is a blessing in itself. Half the time us mommas just spew and never think twice about it. I love you and I love your heart.. Xxoo

Angel said...

Discipling ourselves to be aware of our tone is good for all our family relationships...kids, husband. Thanks for the reminder, Esther. Good word.

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