Thursday, December 31, 2015

// you know, 2015...

Life has a funny way of just happening.

I'm not big into New Years Eve but tonight, like all the New Year's Eves that have passed, I can't help but reflect on the previous year.

The year 2015 happened. It seriously happened. So many blessings, so many struggles... so much growth because of both.

The biggest thing of 2015 was the birth of our youngest stud muffin. Our third baby. I'm still in awe that I have three kids. Baffled. Does this life get more surreal than seeing people that are half of you running around? Nope.

I knew my life would change with Saul's birth but I had no idea how much. I often look at Saul and ask myself how I can love him so much when he's been my hardest baby. I just love him so incredibly much. Not more than I love my other kids... just differently. Maybe it's because he has caused me to change and grow like never before.

I think the best way to explain the changes that Saul has brought along is by saying that, since he arrived, I have new eyes.

New eyes for the mess in our house. New eyes for how entertaining and hosting looks. New eyes for what "a lot of laundry" means. New eyes for how much I can put on my list of things to do.

I have new eyes for my other kids... I see their virtues more clearly. I see what good-hearted humans they are becoming. I see where they need to grow and (sometimes) I see how to help them (other times I search for answers). I have learned to see how they need hugs and kisses and that discipline takes a lot of analyzing and racking your brains.

I have new eyes to see that I need help in my every day life (and I've learned how to accept it AND how to ask for it).

I have new eyes to see the wisdom in others and that my way isn't always the best way.

I have eyes to see just how much my husband does around here, how much more he loves me every day, how much he forgives me for so many little faults (which I think are harder to forgive than the big ones).

I see a new and improved family dynamic that I love. I see that my mundane life is super extraordinary by the world's standards... and that I'm crazy about it.

Of course, I see that there is so much more to learn.

It's funny how life happens. When you're in the throes things hurt like a b, desperation sets in, anxiety brews, tears flow. At some point in the last year (maybe more than once?) I felt like I was drowning. Today, I reflect on the year that passed knowing that without all the punches to gut I wouldn't have to catch my breath and straighten up.

Here's to 2016! I'm sure that punches and kicks will knock me down... but here's to getting back up.

((and here's my anthem... because I can't help myself.)

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